Being Fat, Loving Sex and Dealing with Body Confidence

The collection.

Disclosure: This post is sponsored by K-Y. In exchange for this post, I have received perks in the form of compensation and products. All opinions on this blog are my own. 

Let’s talk about sex, baby. 

Sorry, I really needed to get that out of the way and now that I have that out of my system we can get down to the nitty-gritty and that headline was not clickbait my friends: we’re going to chat about sex, body confidence, mental health, and being fat.  

As I’m sure you know, I have a complicated relationship with my body and that directly ties into my sex life, too frequently if you ask me. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was in university and that was largely tied to my lack of self-confidence. Okay, and I grew up in a small town with a serious lack of options.  

I didn’t know how to own my body, own my size. I didn’t know where to find clothes that made me feel sexy, so often I was squeezing into too small shapewear and skirts a size smaller. I looked great, by the way, but it wasn’t comfortable.  

 I’m now 28 and I have a different mindset than back then, but I’m still warming up to the idea of owning my sexual side. I mean typing that sentence made me blush, this probably should have been a post I wrote with a glass of wine. 

Hey Alexa, play Feelin’ Myself.

I get real tired of being called cute.  

I get called cute a lot.

Pretty, beautiful, all the nice things. I don’t mind hearing them but it’s not often I run into the word sexy or hot. Why? Well media for one thing, often never portrays fat women as sexy. Sure there are the sexy plus-sized models but they have hips and curves and a serious lack of double chin…you know?   

I am so tired of this myth floating somewhere in the world that fat people when they decided to post a scandalous picture, aren’t hot. They’re ‘brave.’

Listen, there is nothing brave about posting a sexy picture. Unless you’re also fighting zombies at the same time. You can just be feelin’ yourself and want to share! It doesn’t have to be an ordeal! Although with the messaging, it rightfully can be.  

I have stretch marks and a double chin, a belly, a serious lack of booty and I am tall. Quite tall. And all of this adds up into me not being sure how to move sometimes and seriously affects my choice in partners.  

I think everyone overthinks their body when they’re stripping down (okay, maybe not everyone and not even me ALL the time) but my goodness have I ever been bad at it over the years.

Lights off? Yes. Turn the other way? Yup. UNDER THE COVER WIGGLING LIKE A NON-SEXY WORM? YOU BET! And sometimes, when all those nerves hit, your brain and your body decide that they’re not on the same page and that sex shouldn’t be an option.  

But if you’re comfortable (ie. consenting) and so is your partner — the whole nerves thing doesn’t have to be an end-all. And getting a little help from K-Y is absolutely recommended and honestly, encouraged. From me, by the way, I am currently your Bedroom Cheerleader. Or whatever room, I’ll let you get creative.  

Because two thirds of the ENTIRE month, women are not optimally lubricated for sex, based on the characteristic and volume of cervical lubrication at baseline for a normal 28-day menstrual cycle.

Sure there are exceptions, but that’s just the science. And there’s nothing wrong, bad, embarrassing about that. Knowing what’s available to help you is a good thing, and K-Y is actually the #1 doctor recommended vaginal lubricant

My favourite of the bunch.

brand.

Which mean it’s good enough for McDreamy (okay, probably McSteamy) so it’s good enough for me.  

Got a handle on my anxiety, with an unspoken side effect.  

Fortunately, my doctor was understanding when it came to trying to figure out what would work best for my mental health AKA what medication I should be trying. And while we found one that works for me, I wasn’t made aware of a pretty common and large side effect — a serious lowering of my sex drive. 

So that, plus adding in science, and nerves…sometimes things don’t go as planned. And not long ago, I was in no mindset to take control of this. I had basically accepted that it was an exchange I had made — better hand on my anxiety, lower libido.  

I could do a whole post entirely on how we (as in females) don’t need to be embarrassed by this and we should own our sexual power and not let it go or accept when it’s changing if you don’t like the change. K-Y is even hosting a giveaway too, in case you’re curious! 

A new lingerie set + K-Y = well, you know.  

I am a huge lingerie fan. I love it, can’t get enough of it, wish I could only wear that all day every day.  

Big event? Throw on a matching set. Big date? Always black lace. Birthday? Go for a set that exudes my ‘mood’ for the year…which, while we’re on that, if anyone knows of a red lingerie set you should slide into my DMs.  

It is what I would like to think the Spidey suit is for Peter Parker? I feel sexy, which means slightly more confident, and empowered. I wear it, and will always wear it, for me. Others may enjoy it, and that can be a bonus, but it’s about how it feels on me AND how it makes me feel.  

And as much as K-Y can be enjoyed by two people, it’s just as important to enjoy yourself too.  

Fat people can be sexy, and you bet we love sex. 

Shocking, I know, but my god I’m only human. Just with a little more jiggle to me.  

Editor’s note: since writing this in early September, I’ve found myself in a relationship of sorts that is quite different than anything I’ve encountered in that my body is appreciated, liked, and acknowledged. It’s made a world of a difference when it comes to sex as I feel safer around them. I want to make it very clear how important I think respect is, anywhere in a relationship, but especially when you’re in a vulnerable state…AKA naked with someone for the first time.

Be safe out there, friends. 

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