I Lost My Shine & Here’s How I’m Getting it Back

plus_sized_overallsYou’ve heard me say it time and time again, 2019 sucked. Major. And it wiped my shine way.

What does that mean? Going off of my beloved Grey’s, I file myself under dark and twisty, and bright and shiny. And a lot of the times, I’m bright and shiny.

I like to shine, I’m meant to shine, and I want to show the world my shine.

And 2019 tarnished me.

I mean if we want to get very specific, the end of 2018 sucked and then 2019 it just kept on going.

So how do you keep from a year of suck turning into years of suck?

Okay well I don’t have a sure answer but I can tell you what I’ve been doing and how I plan on getting back each and every inch of the shine that was lost.

Actually not lost, taken.

Saying I lost my shine has this tone of me giving up and I would like to think I did not.

I will admit that at some points it seemed pretty bleak and I was questioning every single thing that led me to where I was, I even started to hate Toronto!

The workplace makes a huge difference.

I had lost a job, the chance of me getting a job was taken by a man who assaulted me, and landed at what seemed like an amazing fit.

Six months and a toxic boss later, that wasn’t the case. My mental health was dwindling, and my god I had never hated a job more because of it.

From there I went to a start-up which was a ton of fun and a ton of work. Work that was over-asking and underpaying – the worst combo. I felt the burnout almost instantly, but I wasn’t unhappy. And because of getting too close too fast to the work and co-workers, I felt immense guilt about even considering leaving.

And then my latest job happened and (no pun intended) everything clicked.

I work with a supportive team, the company culture is amazing, I feel valued and the perks balance out pretty damn well with the actual important things like benefits.

It’s been a month and I am sleeping better, my skin is glowing, I’m living my best life!!!!

But seriously, it’s made a huge difference.

The mind and body connection blows me…okay mind, it blows my mind.

Sadly I’ve had to leave my gym because of a slew of reasons, and I am missing it dearly. It made a huge difference in my mental health and I love love love feeling strong.

Luckily I’ve been staying active because of the latest addition to the family, the puppy Olive, but I’m still missing it.

I am hoping to return but in the mean time I’m going to be taking advantage of the gym at work, praying for warm weather, and seeing what free trials are out there!

I just know that I can’t stop after making such amazing strides in figuring out what fitness means to me, even though I’m not sure what that’s going to look like next.

Find your people and keep them close!

I think it’s no surprise that I strongly believe that the people you surround yourself make a huge difference in making sure you stay afloat.

My family is amazing, hands down.

And I could write an entire post to Vicki to thank her but I think she just knows, as she is my person. We’re working together again and that’s been amazing for my morale but also hellloooo lots of content happening! She took all these photos, and made the perfect peach earrings.


I was involved with a man that helped me a great deal, both personally and with career choices.

I cannot stress enough that the people surrounding you make a huge difference and you need to be selfish in who you keep in your life.

This can be so damn hard but I know I need to keep it front of mind going through 2020 because those around you make a difference in everything.

I heard about this theory one time, that people either give you energy or take it away – and I want to be around those who give (when they can) instead of taking away.

You have to make time for you but man the FOMO

2019 had a lot of me saying yes to everything and I have no regrets about that, except financially.

But this year I need to say no a bit so I can check back in with myself and reset.

I don’t want to burnout this year, if I can help it. And a large part of that is saying no to fun things because I need time alone to feel truly rested.

It’s stupid hard. But I know that I need to think long-term and not get torn up about missing a night out every now and then!

Trust the process. peach_earrings


But damn it’s true.

Trust that what’s happening is what’s meant to happen right now and when it’s horrible?

That’s not the end.

That’s the push you need to make a change.

And, just in case, the OOTD details:


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