i still find it hard to go a whole day without you flashing across my mind. absolutely anything can trigger a memory of us, and i’m not even sure i can say if i want that to change. most often it’s music, just the beginning strums of a guitar pull your face into focus, even thought the adjacent memory is years old.
i often wonder what it would be like if we still talked. would we bicker every other day? or would we have grown past that? would you still want my input on even the smallest decisions you make? would i still trust you more than anyone? i’m not sure, and i’ll never know. i think that’s what pains me the most, not knowing.
we both made mistakes, and neither of us tried to correct them, until my effort was too late. i know there will be moments when we run into each other, it’s inevitable. i’m not sure how i’ll handle that, because it will take every inch of me not to run at you, arms wide open.
i don’t know if i ever cross your mind, but i wish i could tell you that when you cross mine, it’s with a mournful smile.